9 English conversation mistakes to avoid

Mohamed Shaik
Two young women on a sofa talking to eachother

As humans, we learn and grow through our interactions with other people. Often these encounters are centered around great conversations – rich, meaningful exchanges among a small group of people where each person actively listens and shares. Great discussions are invaluable – they enrich our understanding of people and the world around us. Socially, being someone who can engage effortlessly with others allows us to create deep friendships and gain incredible personal growth and satisfaction. In our careers, we are more effective when we work well with others – the ability to collaborate and solve problems together makes us more effective professionals and makes our businesses more successful.

Common English conversation mistakes

But what if you must hold a conversation in English and it is not your native language? One of the many obstacles to learning something new, like English conversation, is that it can be difficult, time-consuming and even a little scary! That’s why we put together a list of nine English conversation mistakes to avoid that apply whether you are speaking with one or several people at once. Keep these tips in mind to help you improve your interactions with people all over the world…

1) Faking interest in the person

One of the things that separates a conversation from a 'transaction' (such as ordering something in a restaurant) is the genuine mutual interest of each person in the other. If one isn’t interested in knowing more about the other person, neither will engage meaningfully, and the interaction will become transactional or just 'small talk'. Most people are fascinating – take the time to learn what you can about them.

2) Discussing negative and sensitive topics

People are more engaged and willing to share when they are relaxed and happy. Especially when you don’t know someone well, it is always better to focus on the positives – avoid both sharing your biggest troubles and bringing up topics that could be negative from a cultural, religious, political, or even personal perspective. There is always something positive to share!

3) Trying to 'win' an argument

Particularly when speaking with someone you don’t know well and/or someone from another country or background, it is precarious for a conversation (especially one where you are practicing your English conversation skills) to evolve into a debate or argument. It is likely that for any two people, there will be many points of disagreement, and if such differences emerge, it’s better to attempt to understand the other person’s point of view rather than to 'win' an argument. It is perfectly acceptable to agree to disagree about specific issues and move on.

4) Disrespecting others beliefs

If you want a great conversation, others must feel you aren’t judgmental. When someone feels their ideas and beliefs are questioned or belittled, any meaningful exchange will often shut down. Instead, try listening for understanding, and you may learn something!

5) 'Hogging' the stage

It is said that great actors make their fellow performers look great. It is the essence of teamwork, and the same principle applies to great conversationalists. Ask questions that allow others to be positive, confident, and maybe even a little boastful, but certainly remember to do it in a genuine way. The positive energy will be contagious!

6) Fearing learning something unknown

There are over seven billion people worldwide, and none are exactly like you! The greatest learning experiences are often from interactions with those who are very different from ourselves. Embrace and celebrate those differences. Allow others to share their unique perspective and journey, always keeping in mind we all share so much in common. We all want to be happy, love others, and have meaning in our lives.

7) Trying to be someone you are not

There’s only one person you can be, so don’t try to be someone else or something you are not. A great conversation is based on authenticity; most people can easily sense when another is not truthful or authentic. While keeping in mind all of the other rules, it’s both acceptable and expected for you to share your own journey!

8) Monopolizing the conversation

We’ve all been in those conversations where the other person dominates by talking incessantly. At some point, we shut down, just waiting for it to end. Active listening and learning ceases. Engagement requires participation from both parties – don’t hold back from sharing, but at the same time, don’t be that person who dominates and effectively shuts down that engagement.

9) Focusing on superficial topics

What separates a great conversation from 'small talk' is the meaningful nature of the dialog. Talking about the weather doesn’t elicit much other than maybe politeness. A great conversationalist elicits meaningful thoughts from others, and those come from purposeful questions. People love to think; asking them something that requires thoughtfulness deepens the conversation's value and strengthens the relationship between the parties.

Discover more English tips in our other blog posts

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    Four motivating activities to teach core values through reading

    By Nicola Schofield
    Reading time: 4 minutes

    Teaching our?children core?values is so important in helping them to become?happy,?well-balanced?citizens who will make a positive contribution?to?our future society.?

    Values are present and visible everywhere and they are?the?foundation or starting point from where we make our decisions, which ultimately determine our futures. It is,?therefore,?important that our children learn a strong, moral set of values that will help guide them as they grow older,?inform their decisions,?help them to?know right from wrong, solve problems, assert themselves and build self-esteem and confidence.

    Values can be?built?on a?personal level or even?shared at?a group level such as a family and friendship group.?However, we often see them on a larger scale within communities, countries or even the whole world.?

    Having a shared set of values connects people?on a deeper level?and helps us to all work towards the same goals and standards – they can?even encourage people to see the similarities between each other, rather than the?differences.?

    Learning values through reading

    Children learn about values through their families, friends, and teachers, through what they watch or listen to and through their life experiences. They also learn about values?through the books they read.?These lessons?can be subtle but are often?extremely powerful and?can?have a significant impact and influence.

    As an example, let’s have a look at how shared values?are?explored in the?new graded readers series for young learners,?Disney Kids Readers, where special emphasis has been put on exploring values within a story.?At the end, you will find several?value-based activities?that you can download for use in the classroom or?as?an activity at home.?

    How?do Disney Kids Readers teach core values?

    1. Learning through stories that are already familiar can help children to trust in and take on board the key messages much more easily. Familiarity can break down many barriers to communication and help us understand that values are often universal.?
    2. Many children are also familiar with the Disney characters and can find inspiration from reading how they react to situations in life, make decisions and behave. Children often look up to characters and can see them as role models within their own lives. As a result, the readers can be a reference point on how to respond to key life moments and how to incorporate values into real life.
    3. Also, depending on the child's age, some values may be new and children may not yet have experience with them in the real world. Therefore, the Disney stories allow them to explore these key messages through their favorite Disney character’s point of view.?

    Each Disney Kids Reader is linked to a key value?and contains a ‘Values’ page with a?short?comic?strip?that brings to life a specific value.?

    The list below details?a selection of?key values taught across the readers.?You could ask?the children?in your class?to talk about which values are most important to them and why. Ask them to give an example?of?a time when they have demonstrated this value in their own lives.?

    Friendship, positivity, curiosity, confidence, open-mindedness, courage, determination, self-belief, responsibility, resilience, respect, honesty.

    Examples of key values in?Disney stories

    In?The Jungle Book,?friendship?is a key?value,?and we learn that it is important to help our friends. Baloo helps Mowgli when he is alone in the jungle and scared. An angry tiger wants Mowgli to leave the jungle, but when Mowgli meets Baloo, he finds a friend in him. Baloo sees that Mowgli is scared and looks after him.?We learn that it is important to help our friends when they are in need.?

    Do:?Ask the children when they have helped their friends.

    In?Inside Out, we learn about?sincerity?and?how?important?it is to talk about how we are feeling. Riley is a teenager struggling with a whole range of emotions and we learn that life isn’t about being happy all the time and that it is okay to be sad sometimes. The children learn that this is a normal part of life and that talking it through with a friend, a parent or a teacher can help.

    Do:?Ask the children if they share their feelings with others.

    Here are some activities for you to use with your class to help put into practice the core values from the readers. You can use these activities with any book, in and outside the classroom.

    1. My Values Road Sign (L3-4)

    This activity?is?a great way of talking?to?children?about their values. By creating a road sign poster,?it will help them to decide which values are most important to them and it is something that they can?refer?to again and again in challenging times. They can stick it on their bedroom wall, display it on the fridge or you could even make a classroom display of shared values?when children have finished?their?books!

    Download the worksheet

    ?2. Kindness Calendar (L4-6)

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    Download the worksheet

    3. Core Values Quiz (L5-6)

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    Download the worksheet

    4. My future self (L1-2)

    The children?fill in the crystal ball with pictures of who they would like to be in the future. Do they want to be smart, funny, have a good job, live abroad, have a family, be rich, be a good friend or help the planet? Which of the plans make one person?(themselves)?happy?and which plans make the world better? Do they need to change any of them?

    Download the worksheet

    Read our blog posts 'Fostering self-care and wellbeing through the world of reading'?and 'The importance of teaching values to young learners'.

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    Fostering self-care and wellbeing through the world of reading

    By Nicola Schofield
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    Growing up is an exciting time. Children are curious and open-minded, and every day welcomes a new thing to learn. They are constantly exploring and discovering themselves and the world around them. But children also have to face many challenging times too as they get older. It is, therefore, important that we teach our young people to be aware of their own wellbeing and self-care, what they can do to lead a balanced and healthy life, and give them the tools they need to help them in difficult times, both mentally and physically. ?

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    Motivating children to read English books with fun activities

    By Nicola Schofield

    Why is reading important??

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    Ask your students why it's important and create a mind map of ideas. You may also?wish to use some of the points below to start the conversation. Having a common idea that everyone agrees on can help build motivation and engagement in the classroom.?

    Improves?language skills?

    Regular reading develops children’s linguistic skills – it helps them learn good?sentence structure, grammar, vocabulary and?improves?spelling in their own language and in the English language too. Reading aloud?also strengthens?knowledge of phonics and improves?pronunciation?and articulation.??

    Improves memory?

    It can help to develop knowledge of phonics and vocabulary?recall and improve focus and concentration?– all necessary skills when learning a language.?

    Cultivates curiosity?

    Books help kids’ imaginations to grow?and?encourage them to be?more open-minded. They?help us to learn about other cultures and encourage us to think more creatively. Through subtle messages,?reading?builds?an?awareness of the world in which we live and?enables?children to form?their own?opinions?and ask questions.?

    Creates empathy?

    Stories help to develop children’s emotional intelligence?and?empathy towards?others. Exploring?topics and characters allows them to learn about?real-world situations?and think about how they would feel?in?somebody else’s shoes. It encourages?respect for others’ feelings?as well as?other?cultures.??

    Reduces stress?

    It is a great way to?calm the mind and help us relax and destress. Children can learn to use it as a helpful tool in their day-to-day lives.???

    Develops key life skills?

    Children develop their confidence, communication, resilience, patience, social skills and connect?with the wider world, culture?and communities.?

    So how do we motivate our young learners?(even our most reluctant readers)?to develop a passion for reading??

    It?must?be fun,?purposeful and relevant?

    Well-known adaptations?can remove barriers, support and encourage students’ imagination,?and?spark?a genuine interest. They?give purpose and relevance to the students as most students have watched a movie?at some point in their lives and most students have a?favorite movie?or character.??

    Let your young learners choose?

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    Rewards??

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