9 English conversation mistakes to avoid

Mohamed Shaik
Two young women on a sofa talking to eachother

As humans, we learn and grow through our interactions with other people. Often these encounters are centered around great conversations – rich, meaningful exchanges among a small group of people where each person actively listens and shares. Great discussions are invaluable – they enrich our understanding of people and the world around us. Socially, being someone who can engage effortlessly with others allows us to create deep friendships and gain incredible personal growth and satisfaction. In our careers, we are more effective when we work well with others – the ability to collaborate and solve problems together makes us more effective professionals and makes our businesses more successful.

Common English conversation mistakes

But what if you must hold a conversation in English and it is not your native language? One of the many obstacles to learning something new, like English conversation, is that it can be difficult, time-consuming and even a little scary! That’s why we put together a list of nine English conversation mistakes to avoid that apply whether you are speaking with one or several people at once. Keep these tips in mind to help you improve your interactions with people all over the world…

1) Faking interest in the person

One of the things that separates a conversation from a 'transaction' (such as ordering something in a restaurant) is the genuine mutual interest of each person in the other. If one isn’t interested in knowing more about the other person, neither will engage meaningfully, and the interaction will become transactional or just 'small talk'. Most people are fascinating – take the time to learn what you can about them.

2) Discussing negative and sensitive topics

People are more engaged and willing to share when they are relaxed and happy. Especially when you Dz’t know someone well, it is always better to focus on the positives – avoid both sharing your biggest troubles and bringing up topics that could be negative from a cultural, religious, political, or even personal perspective. There is always something positive to share!

3) Trying to 'win' an argument

Particularly when speaking with someone you Dz’t know well and/or someone from another country or background, it is precarious for a conversation (especially one where you are practicing your English conversation skills) to evolve into a debate or argument. It is likely that for any two people, there will be many points of disagreement, and if such differences emerge, it’s better to attempt to understand the other person’s point of view rather than to 'win' an argument. It is perfectly acceptable to agree to disagree about specific issues and move on.

4) Disrespecting others beliefs

If you want a great conversation, others must feel you aren’t judgmental. When someone feels their ideas and beliefs are questioned or belittled, any meaningful exchange will often shut down. Instead, try listening for understanding, and you may learn something!

5) 'Hogging' the stage

It is said that great actors make their fellow performers look great. It is the essence of teamwork, and the same principle applies to great conversationalists. Ask questions that allow others to be positive, confident, and maybe even a little boastful, but certainly remember to do it in a genuine way. The positive energy will be contagious!

6) Fearing learning something unknown

There are over seven billion people worldwide, and none are exactly like you! The greatest learning experiences are often from interactions with those who are very different from ourselves. Embrace and celebrate those differences. Allow others to share their unique perspective and journey, always keeping in mind we all share so much in common. We all want to be happy, love others, and have meaning in our lives.

7) Trying to be someone you are not

There’s only one person you can be, so Dz’t try to be someone else or something you are not. A great conversation is based on authenticity; most people can easily sense when another is not truthful or authentic. While keeping in mind all of the other rules, it’s both acceptable and expected for you to share your own journey!

8) Monopolizing the conversation

We’ve all been in those conversations where the other person dominates by talking incessantly. At some point, we shut down, just waiting for it to end. Active listening and learning ceases. Engagement requires participation from both parties – Dz’t hold back from sharing, but at the same time, Dz’t be that person who dominates and effectively shuts down that engagement.

9) Focusing on superficial topics

What separates a great conversation from 'small talk' is the meaningful nature of the dialog. Talking about the weather doesn’t elicit much other than maybe politeness. A great conversationalist elicits meaningful thoughts from others, and those come from purposeful questions. People love to think; asking them something that requires thoughtfulness deepens the conversation's value and strengthens the relationship between the parties.

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    By Nicola Schofield
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    Teaching ourchildren corevalues is so important in helping them to becomehappy,well-balancedcitizens who will make a positive contributiontoour future society.

    Values are present and visible everywhere and they arethefoundation or starting point from where we make our decisions, which ultimately determine our futures. It is,therefore,important that our children learn a strong, moral set of values that will help guide them as they grow older,inform their decisions,help them toknow right from wrong, solve problems, assert themselves and build self-esteem and confidence.

    Values can bebuilton apersonal level or evenshared ata group level such as a family and friendship group.However, we often see them on a larger scale within communities, countries or even the whole world.

    Having a shared set of values connects peopleon a deeper leveland helps us to all work towards the same goals and standards – they caneven encourage people to see the similarities between each other, rather than thedifferences.

    Learning values through reading

    Children learn about values through their families, friends, and teachers, through what they watch or listen to and through their life experiences. They also learn about valuesthrough the books they read.These lessonscan be subtle but are oftenextremely powerful andcanhave a significant impact and influence.

    As an example, let’s have a look at how shared valuesareexplored in thenew graded readers series for young learners,Disney Kids Readers, where special emphasis has been put on exploring values within a story.At the end, you will find severalvalue-based activitiesthat you can download for use in the classroom orasan activity at home.

    Howdo Disney Kids Readers teach core values?

    1. Learning through stories that are already familiar can help children to trust in and take on board the key messages much more easily. Familiarity can break down many barriers to communication and help us understand that values are often universal.
    2. Many children are also familiar with the Disney characters and can find inspiration from reading how they react to situations in life, make decisions and behave. Children often look up to characters and can see them as role models within their own lives. As a result, the readers can be a reference point on how to respond to key life moments and how to incorporate values into real life.
    3. Also, depending on the child's age, some values may be new and children may not yet have experience with them in the real world. Therefore, the Disney stories allow them to explore these key messages through their favorite Disney character’s point of view.

    Each Disney Kids Reader is linked to a key valueand contains a ‘Values’ page with ashortcomicstripthat brings to life a specific value.

    The list below detailsa selection ofkey values taught across the readers.You could askthe childrenin your classto talk about which values are most important to them and why. Ask them to give an exampleofa time when they have demonstrated this value in their own lives.

    Friendship, positivity, curiosity, confidence, open-mindedness, courage, determination, self-belief, responsibility, resilience, respect, honesty.

    Examples of key values inDisney stories

    InThe Jungle Book,friendshipis a keyvalue,and we learn that it is important to help our friends. Baloo helps Mowgli when he is alone in the jungle and scared. An angry tiger wants Mowgli to leave the jungle, but when Mowgli meets Baloo, he finds a friend in him. Baloo sees that Mowgli is scared and looks after him.We learn that it is important to help our friends when they are in need.

    Do:Ask the children when they have helped their friends.

    InInside Out, we learn aboutsincerityandhowimportantit is to talk about how we are feeling. Riley is a teenager struggling with a whole range of emotions and we learn that life isn’t about being happy all the time and that it is okay to be sad sometimes. The children learn that this is a normal part of life and that talking it through with a friend, a parent or a teacher can help.

    Do:Ask the children if they share their feelings with others.

    Here are some activities for you to use with your class to help put into practice the core values from the readers. You can use these activities with any book, in and outside the classroom.

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    This activityisa great way of talkingtochildrenabout their values. By creating a road sign poster,it will help them to decide which values are most important to them and it is something that they canreferto again and again in challenging times. They can stick it on their bedroom wall, display it on the fridge or you could even make a classroom display of shared valueswhen children have finishedtheirbooks!

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    2. Kindness Calendar (L4-6)

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    3. Core Values Quiz (L5-6)

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    4. My future self (L1-2)

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    Download the worksheet

    Read our blog posts 'Fostering self-care and wellbeing through the world of reading'and 'The importance of teaching values to young learners'.

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    Enhancing workplace communication: The new role of language assessments in business success

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    The integration of AI tools into workplaces around the world is starting to change the way people communicate professionally. that the use of AI to help draft documents and emails is driven not only by convenience and efficiency but also by a desire to be clear and precise in language.

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    Talking technology: Teaching 21st century communication strategies

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    When my son created a web consulting business as a summer job, I offered to have business cards made for him. “Oh Dad,” he said, “Business cards are so 20th century!”

    It was an embarrassing reminder that communication norms are constantly changing, as are the technologies we use. Younger generations share contact information on their phones’ social media apps, not with business cards. A similar shift has been the move away from business cards featuring fax numbers. “What’s a fax?” my son might ask.

    Fax machines have had a surprisingly long life–the first fax machine was invented in 1843–but they have been largely retired because it’s easier to send images of documents via email attachments.

    More recent technologies, such as the 1992 invention of text messages, seem here to stay, but continue to evolve with innovations like emojis, a 1998 innovation whose name combines the Japanese words e (picture) and moji (character).

    The 55/38/7 rule and the three Cs

    Changing technologies challenge language teachers who struggle to prepare students with the formats and the strategies they need to be effective in academic, business, and social settings. These challenges start with questions about why we have particular norms around communication. These norms form a culture of communication.

    The artist/musician Brian Eno defines culture as what we Dz’t have to do. We may have to walk, but we Dz’t have to dance. Dancing, therefore, is culture. Communication is full of cultural practices that we Dz’t strictly need to do, but which make communication more successful. These include practices based on the 55/38/7 Rule and The Three Cs.

    The 55/38/7 rule is often misinterpreted as being about what someone hears when we speak. It actually refers to the insights of University of California professor, , who looked at how our attitudes, feelings, and beliefs influence our trust in what someone says.

    Mehrabian suggests words only account for seven percent of a message’s impact; tone of voice makes up 38 percent, and body language–including facial expressions–account for the other 55 percent. The consequence of this for our students is that it’s sometimes not so important what they are saying as how they are saying it.

    Another way of looking at this nonverbal communication is in terms of The Three Cs: context, clusters, and congruence.

    Context is about the environment in which communication takes place, any existing relationship between the speakers, and the roles they have. Imagine how each of these factors change if, for example, you met a surgeon at a party compared to meeting the same surgeon in an operating theater where you are about to have your head sawn open.

    Clusters are the sets of body language expressions that together make up a message; smiling while walking toward someone is far different than smiling while carefully backing away.

    Congruence refers to how body language matches–or doesn’t match–a speaker’s words. People saying, “Of course! It’s possible!” while unconsciously shaking their heads from side to side are perhaps being less than truthful.

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    In virtual meetings (on Teams and Google Hangouts, for example), students need to understand that tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language may be more important than the words they share.

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    This is particularly important in preparation for academic and business contexts where students need to interact in groups, such as seminar settings and business meetings. Within these, it’s necessary for students to be able to take on a variety of roles, including leadership, taking notes, and playing devil’s advocate to challenge what a group thinks.

    Engaging students with project work

    Role-play can help raise awareness of these strategies among students, but it’s not enough to just take on a variety of roles found in common academic and business exchanges; students need to be able to reflect after each role-play session and infer what strategies are successful.

    Technology-based projects can also help students engage in a range of communication strategies. For example, a app series, StartUp, embraces technology in each unit by sprinkling various text messages and web-based research tasks. There are also multimedia projects where students use their phones to collect images or video and share the results in presentations that develop their critical thinking.

    For example:

    Make your own video

    Step 1 Choose a favorite restaurant or meal.

    Step 2 Make a 30-second video. Talk about the meal. Describe what you eat and drink. Explain why you like it.

    Step 3 Share your video. Answer questions and get feedback.

    This simple project subconsciously reinforces the unit’s vocabulary and grammar. It also allows students to personalize the project based on things that they need to talk about in daily life–their local foods in this case. This means that each student’s presentation is unique. Unlike with essay assignments, students tend to work hard to craft several versions until they are satisfied because they know their work will be seen by other students and that they will be asked questions that only they can answer.

    All this forces students to consider speaking strategies, as well as strategies for appropriate facial expressions and body language. Similarly, they have to use active listening strategies when listening to others’ presentations while asking questions. As technology continues to evolve, teachers need to integrate new applications into their teaching so students learn how to communicate with the tools they have at their disposal.